Too often, I feel like we’re trying to just put band aides on the situation we find ourselves in with our kids. Just stop it! Easy enough, right? We are dealing with all the symptoms of the problem rather than really focusing on the heart issue. When looking our our children’s issues, try to figure out the root. We could discipline them and deal with the behavior until we are blue in the face. Consequence given every time an infraction occurs. Easy enough, right? However, just constantly fighting the symptoms will get you no where. Let’s say your child is misbehaving in school. What’s really going on behind this behavior? Is there a heart of rebellion in their actions? Are they being picked on by other kids and this is their way to act out against it? Are they frustrated because they’re not grasping the work or because it all seems too easy and they are bored? Do they butt heads with this teacher for some reason that needs to be sorted through? Are you and your husband at odds at home? Have you moved a number of times and they are trying to find their place? Are they looking for any kind of attention and the negative attention seems to be working right now? The list could go on and on and on. Often times it’s a sin issue in their own life…things we all are battling against. Other times there are external pressures and influence that are poorly affecting their behavior. Getting to the root of it can help you face the problems head on rather than always just trying to change the surface behavior.
That is just so true! Sadly, I didn’t learn this until my kids were grown. Your children are very blessed to have you as their mama.
You make a very good point. Communication is so important when disciplining and dealing with a child’s behavior. I agree with The Better Baker. You are a great mama! Thanks for sharing at Mom’s Library!
Hello. I somehow stumbled upon your blog and I am fascinated. In this entry, what do you mean by “Often times it’s a sin issue in their own life?” I have only one son who is now 31 and a Captain in the US Marines. He is a fine young man, but not as tender-hearted (yet, I hope)as I would wish. While he was young I always felt as if I were hanging on by a ragged thread. Now that I have lots of time, I look back and wish I had been able to think things through better then and do things differently. I am astounded that with three tiny little ones, you are able to even form the intention of, let alone accomplish, being such a meaningful mama. Heartfelt congratulations.
Thank you so much for stopping by and asking. When I say “Often times it’s a sin issue in their own life,” I mean that there are so many sins we could al be battling against. It might be dealing with selfishness, addictions, brokenness from God’s will, jealousy, hatred, unresolved anger…the list could go on and on. I list selfishness first because it’s probably what I battle against the most. When I look at my faults in parenting or marriage, that’s often the root of the struggle. There are so many sins that contribute, but the biggest one is deciding to not follow God. Thankfully, if we know Jesus and have accepted his ultimate sacrifice, we are forgiven of these sins we battle against. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean we don’t suffer the consequences of sin or no longer struggle to do the right thing, but it means we are forgiven and God is there in our lives to help us begin to make better choices as we move forward in grace. I hope that answers your question. Please write more if you have more. I’m sure I’ll look back wishing I had done things better at times too. Probably just part of being a mom. I don’t think it’s too late to continue reaching your son with love and grace.
Well, certainly I am still working on my son. I honestly think you should continue with your blog, but think about a future goal of turning it into a book. Perhaps when/if I have a grandchild, I can gift my son and D-I-L with your book! Thanks for taking the time to answer, and I wish you and your famiy everything you need. Jane