I have a daughter that some might call “strong willed.” Others might prefer “spirited.” I have always been taught that once you choose a battle, you do need to win it so that they understand who is the authority in your home. You may recall that we did a fun activity a few days ago to help the girls practice numbers and counting. This game involved pennies and beans. After the game was over, the girls proceeded to play with the beans more and eventually dump them out. I explained that the beans needed to be picked up, and I designated a pile for Abby to pick up and one for Kenzie. Abby picked up her half and was on her way. Kenzie…well, not so much. She proceeded to play around for a bit and eventually dump Abby’s beans out again. I told Kenzie she needed to pick up the beans and wouldn’t be doing any other activities until they were picked up. I explained to her that I was going to start our fish painting craft in 30 minutes, and that I would love for her to join us. I then set a timer. The beans weren’t picked up, and so we did the project without her. She was allowed out if she was eating, sleeping or if our family needed to go someplace. Otherwise, she was confined to this corner of the room. Do you see the multiple outfits? It took a few days of being stuck in that corner. She missed a number of fun activities. She danced in the beans, made snow angels in the beans, picked up beans to dump out again or she just sat there. We tried to help, but she’d just watch us do it. I tried to show her methods for making it easier. Other than that, I just let her be – paying it little attention. I finally called our good friends and mentors, the Pritchards. I know I’ve mentioned them a lot because, other than our parents, they have been the biggest influence on our parenting. I asked where to go from here. They were both on the phone and basically said that, yes, I did need to win. However, it might be time to help her end it – still coming out on top. What this took was me physically taking her hand and having her hand grab them and put them in the container. She’s a pretty independent soul and didn’t like me grabbing her hand, so she began to do it herself. If she stopped, I would grab her hand again. They encouraged me to make her do the last hand fulls with no help. It was a way to bring a parent victory as well as an end to the battle.
Hey Jodi, Could have you still won the battle by getting her to clean them up but giving her an easier strategy by allowing her to vacuum them up?
Tricia
(I guess I’m reading this feeling a little sorry for her, but proud of you for staying strong!)
Maybe that would have been a good idea. I thought for sure that she’d just end up doing it and then was a bit fascinated by the whole process. My dad said today (after spending the day with her), “If she’s as smart as she is stubborn, she’s going to make a hell of an attorney.” Just praying I can rear it all well because being strong willed can be such a good trait.